My spouse helps me take care of my parents. He helps prepare our meals and I do everything else. Dad cannot get around well and Mom is bedridden. I'm trying to do right by them and take good care of them. My husband is tired of us not being able to do anything or take a vacation because of them. That's hurtful for me to have to hear. My parents didn't ask for this. I know that we didn't either but here we are. I am under so much stress and don't know what to do.
Its time to get your parents placed in Skilled Nursing care now. Taking care of a bedridden patient is way too much for one person to manage at home anyway. Apply for Medicaid and use up your folks funds first, if there are any, and take your home and your marriage back.
Best of luck to you.
Finding a good and safe place where they can be cared for is not “putting them in a home”. Think of how your parents cannot have any interaction with other people. Keeping them with you is isolating them more and more, and that’s not good for anyone.
It sounds like your parents assumed you’d be their retirement plan. If so, that was very selfish and irresponsible of them.
Your husband and marriage became the first priority when you said “I do”.
From your brief description it doesn't sound like spouse is whining because of having to take on extra household chores, because somehow you're still doing all of those too. It sounds like spouse misses being with you. And probably can see that this will only get harder and worse.
You have lots of options at a range of prices (which your parents would pay or qualify for by being unable to) and you need to learn about them so you know what your options are. You could start by taking a break with hired help for your parents and spend a day or two away with your spouse. You don't want to lose your health or your spouse to caregiving and a lot of people do just that.
You are risking breakdown and injury yourself, and possibly the end of your marriage. Find someone appropriate to talk this through with.
Your parents have other options. Find an assisted living or skilled nursing home for them. It has become too much of a burden on you and is unfair to your spouse to be expected to help take on this burden.
Your parents can not help growing older or suffering from ailments. It is a part of life. But it is not your job to take care of everything for them. You can place them in a setting where they can get all the help they need from professionals (who get to go home after their shift) and still be a loving daughter who visits and advocates for them.
If you insist on taking care of them at home, at least consider a short respite stay in a care home - for a week or two - allowing you and your husband to take a vacation, or to simply take a break and re-connect.
Your husband is your priority. . He comes first. Figure out what needs to be done to get help in or put them in AL.
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